Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you had me at cake vodka
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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