You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
