it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
