A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
