my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize