My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
