I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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