This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
