Just cropdusted the office
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
