I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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