you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
