dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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