How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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