and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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