does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
