I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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