And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
