The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
