you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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