im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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