i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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