They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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