One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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