She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
