how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
