Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize