you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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