How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
