I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Randomize