I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
