I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
