Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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