I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
