Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
