Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
