we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
