I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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