He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My pussy is not your playground.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize