she smelled like a LAN party
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
