i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
handjob tips. give me some.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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