if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize
