Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
