i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize