Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
