He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
