normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
