I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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