I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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