Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
