good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
