New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
