Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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