my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
