I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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