i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
