we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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