omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
