Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize