how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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