Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
