Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
