fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I understand Curling. That high.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
