Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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