don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
