Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
