I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
