woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
