I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
