i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
