The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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