you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
