Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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