I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
