did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
