I'm drive I can fine osifer
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
