the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Randomize
