The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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