I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
and she was petting her beer can
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
