I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
