spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
