You made me cry and you don't even care
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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