my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
