i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
