You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize