Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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