I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
