I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
