i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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