At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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