I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
