I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You made out with two different species that night
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
