I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
