I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
