if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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