I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
