He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
