You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
