I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
