Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
