She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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