I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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