I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
