sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
