my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize