I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
