watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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