Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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