It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
